More ABCs of Parenting by Gouri Dange

Author:Gouri Dange
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9788184004175
Publisher: Random House Publishers India Pvt. Ltd.

Look out for signs in the child that could point to larger social and behavioural problems.

M for

Mother Tongue

Embarrassment about one parent being unable to speak ‘pristine’ English is something kids have to be guided to get over with. It comes from the attitudes that are all around, and this kind of snobbery is best tackled head-on.

Mohana is from an English-medium school and her husband studied in Hindi schools. He subsequently joined world-class institutions of higher-education, and today is well-placed and comfortable in global situations. However, his English has a bit of a regional Indian accent, and he mispronounces some words. While Mohana has never thought it is any kind of problem, their eleven-year-old Dia has begun to correct her father all the time, and seems to be almost embarrassed about him. She recently told her mother that she should not bring her father to the PTA meeting. Both the parents do not like this attitude of hers and have explained to her that it is no big deal if he gets a few words wrong. Mohana is now afraid that this is going to cause a rift between them, because the father too has now begun to get self-conscious around his daughter.

Children of Dia’s age are at the beginning of that phase where there is a slightly exaggerated sense of not wanting to stick out, feeling watched by others, being afraid of teasing and ridicule, wanting desperately to blend in. Part of this means that they are mildly to acutely embarrassed by their parents. This awkwardness about ones parents can be for not even any apparent reason, or for reasons that seem minor and baseless to us as adults. Since their own egos are so wafer-thin, going towards adolescence, every little ‘variation’ on how they think things ‘should be’ are seen as threatening to their own dignity!

The reason that Dia is feeling socially awkward—her father’s accent when he speaks English—is an issue that her parents rightly believe needs to be tackled and put to rest. Firstly, because it is her father, and secondly, to slowly but subtly weed out notions that rise out of meaningless snobbery from a growing child’s mind. It is the kind of snobbery that many grown people exhibit, and it cuts them off from connecting with a whole lot of good and valuable people and building relationships outside their little social boxes! Perhaps the school that she goes to and her peer group too are feeding some of her notions.

Parents in similar situations could deal with it on a few different levels. At one level, her father could play along a bit and take on some of the corrections; he could also ask her to write down five words that he mispronounces, which bother her the most and promise to work on them. Yes, it’s always good to say something the way it is supposed to be said, to speak a language well, however, you must send out the subtle message that at some level it truly does not matter, and that he functions perfectly well the way he speaks currently.

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